Month: May 2018

Are you ADDICTED to your phone?

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Are you a habitual smartphone user?  Many of us find it almost impossible to be isolated from our phones. Perhaps it’s time to ask yourself, “Am I addicted to my phone?”

What is the criteria for phone addiction?

  • Do you check your email more than is necessary. Be honest with yourself, are you checking a need or a want?
  • Are you annoying people with always being on your smartphone? Have people made comments about your usage?
  • Does the thought of not checking your smartphone create anxiety? Once again, be honest with yourself. Try to put your phone away for an hour and see what happens.

What creates our habitual need to always be checking our phone?

  • Researchers suggest that we feel important when we get a text, email or other notifications. It builds our self esteem
  • Researchers also suggest that our connection triggers something in our brain when we get email or a text and many times those things have a positive impact and make us feel wanted or needed
  • Many people feel alone, isolated and checking emails, Facebook, twitter, makes them feel connected with the world and others.
  • Checking has also become a fashionable way to isolate, avoid interacting and avoiding things we don’t want to do… it has become an insulator
  • The brain connects with the positive feeling and then a pattern arises and we want to feel that positive rush again, and so we check habitually

What are some tips for those of us who just discovered we may be habitually in love with our smartphone?

  • Acknowledge: The first step is always awareness so you can address the issue. Denial only further charges the habitual behaviors.
  • Make free-zone times: Set times when you agree to not look at your smartphone. Perhaps that time will be during dinners or meal times with others, or perhaps after a certain time of the night.
  • Establish free-zone places: Maybe that location will be the bedroom, the kitchen or perhaps on a vacation
  • Evaluate: Be honest and determine what “purpose” the smartphone has for you and take small steps to minimize the behaviors and interact more face to face vs. through the phone

Asking For What I Need

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It’s not easy to ask for what you need. Some people are very good at making requests and some people’s “asking” tends to sound more like a demand than a request. Here are some important keys to remember when you ask for what you’d like.
Look at what are some of the common things that keep us from asking for what we want.
  • Fear: Many people don’t ask for what they need or what because it makes them feel vulnerable, exposed, and risk being rejected. Many people say they feel insecure, inadequate and feel a loss of control when they make a request.
  • Old patterns: Many people feel uncomfortable asking for their needs because they have been told it is not okay to ask, or perhaps they were told that they were undeserving, or for many they believe there will be negative effects of asking for needs. Some people feel they can’t ask for their needs because it is demanding something that they don’t deserve.
  • Unclear desires: Many people have difficulty asking for what they need because they are unclear on the specifics of what they really want. When you make vague requests people are uncertain what you really want or need.
  • Destructive thoughts: Many people don’t ask for their needs because they create destructive thought patterns in their heads that limit their ability to ask. Some it is self-centered to ask for your needs, or that people should know what you want without asking. Others assume that someone would say “no” so why even ask, while others don’t want to feel needy or appear weak.
Some people may confuse demands with requests. The difference between demands and requests:
  • Request: There is an understanding that with a request a person has a right to choose to say “Yes” or “No”.
  • With a request there is the understanding that there is no fear, shame or guilt involved no matter what the answer
  • Demand: A demand implies there is a threat or that something negative will happen in some form of retribution.
  • In fact the key word is FREE… a request is where someone feels free to ask no matter what the answer vs. demand that holds no freedom on ransom.
So what are the elements of an effective request?
  • Know what you want before you ask.
  • Make sure your want is consistent with what you really say. For instance. If you want someone to help you with a task be certain you know what you want from them and what you need
  • Be specific. If you want help with a task, be sure you are specific about the specifics about the task. Break it down and tell them exactly what you’d like and when you would like help.
  • Remember if it is a request, the person may say no and it is important that you have a back up plan or strategy.
  • You have a right to make a request. Remember that if you receive a NO… the message is about the sender and not about you.

What do Julia Roberts, Albert Einstein, Steven Spielberg  and Tiger Woods all have in common? 

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They are well-known introverts.

There are introverts and there are extroverts, but it seems that introverts have gotten a bad rap throughout the years.

Research indicates that there are some valuable assets that introverts possess and tonight, we will take a look at the power of introversion.
First of all, what is the difference between extroverts and introverts?
* Generally, it is explained that extroverts get their energy from relationships and that they invest energy in others and receive that energy from others
* Extroverts are the ones who love to mingle, chit-chat, and love to socialize. These activities charge their inner batteries.
* Introverts typically are seen as those who gain their energy and power from looking within and gathering energy.
* Introverts love solitary activities such as reading, writing or daydreaming
Is shyness the same as introversion?
* Shyness refers to a type of social anxiety or discomfort you feel internally around people
* Introversion relates to a type of recharging of your own personal power.
Now we know the differences, but tell us more about the power of introverts.
* Introverts are introspective and generally have a good understanding of their actions and its consequences
* Introverts can be self-nurturing because they know how to go inside themselves and charge their own batteries
* Introverts can typically work for long periods of time with sustained performance and have good focusing abilities
* Introverts can have deep conversations and enjoy in-depth discussions that are meaningful and fulfilling (vs. small talk)
* Introverts have an amazing ability to concentrate, be creative, see things outside the box, observe things that others miss and have rich imaginations.

Do You Doodle? If so, what does your little drawings actually mean?

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We will look at these little pictures we draw and learn something about our inner psyche that comes out during our absent-minded drawings.

Here are some of the common meanings placement on the page
* Top: You are confident and looking in control
* Middle: You are an extrovert and like being the center of attention
* Right: You look forward and it also may mean you might be wanting to run from something
* Left: You may be one who looks at the past and dwells on it.

Deeper look into common doodles:
* Birds: Indicate freedom and desire or the yearning to travel.
* Cats: Indicate envy or jealousy
* Dogs: Loyalty and companionship
* Clouds: Good blessings may be revealed and dark clouds indicates depression or deception
* Eyes: Intuitive, able to see things in a different light
* Flowers: Happiness, relationship harmony
* Chains: You feel restricted
* Numbers: Events to come
* Squares: Security and possibility of financial decisions in your future
* Rectangles: You are ambitious and successful
* Triangles: You are bright minded and resolve questions quickly
* Swirls: You have intuitive abilities
* Dots: Financial security
* Arrows: Anger or resentment

So the next time you doodle, perhaps it will be a clue to what is really going on in your hidden psyche.