Are you a habitual smartphone user?  Many of us find it almost impossible to be isolated from our phones. Perhaps it’s time to ask yourself, “Am I addicted to my phone?”

What is the criteria for phone addiction?

• Do you check your email more than is necessary. Be honest with yourself, are you checking a need or a want?
• Are you annoying people with always being on your smartphone? Have people made comments about your usage?
• Does the thought of not checking your smartphone create anxiety? Once again, be honest with yourself. Try to put your phone away for an hour and see what happens.

What creates our habitual need to always be checking our phone?

• Researchers suggest that we feel important when we get a text, email or other notifications. It builds our self esteem
• Researchers also suggest that our connection triggers something in our brain when we get email or a text and many times those things have a positive impact and make us feel wanted or needed
• Many people feel alone, isolated and checking emails, Facebook, twitter, makes them feel connected with the world and others.
• Checking has also become a fashionable way to isolate, avoid interacting and avoiding things we don’t want to do… it has become an insulator
• The brain connects with the positive feeling and then a pattern arises and we want to feel that positive rush again, and so we check habitually

What are some tips for those of us who just discovered we may be habitually in love with our smartphone?

• Acknowledge: The first step is always awareness so you can address the issue. Denial only further charges the habitual behaviors.
• Make free-zone times: Set times when you agree to not look at your smartphone. Perhaps that time will be during dinners or meal times with others, or perhaps after a certain time of the night.
• Establish free-zone places: Maybe that location will be the bedroom, the kitchen or perhaps on a vacation
• Evaluate: Be honest and determine what “purpose” the smartphone has for you and take small steps to minimize the behaviors and interact more face to face vs. through the phone

We will look at these little pictures we draw and learn something about our inner psyche that comes out during our absent-minded drawings.

Here are some of the common meanings placement on the page
* Top: You are confident and looking in control
* Middle: You are an extrovert and like being the center of attention
* Right: You look forward and it also may mean you might be wanting to run from something
* Left: You may be one who looks at the past and dwells on it.

Deeper look into common doodles:
* Birds: Indicate freedom and desire or the yearning to travel.
* Cats: Indicate envy or jealousy
* Dogs: Loyalty and companionship
* Clouds: Good blessings may be revealed and dark clouds indicates depression or deception
* Eyes: Intuitive, able to see things in a different light
* Flowers: Happiness, relationship harmony
* Chains: You feel restricted
* Numbers: Events to come
* Squares: Security and possibility of financial decisions in your future
* Rectangles: You are ambitious and successful
* Triangles: You are bright minded and resolve questions quickly
* Swirls: You have intuitive abilities
* Dots: Financial security
* Arrows: Anger or resentment

So the next time you doodle, perhaps it will be a clue to what is really going on in your hidden psyche.

• Stick to a sleep schedule.Go to bed and wake up at the same time each day. As creatures of habit, people have a hard time adjusting to changes in sleep patterns. Sleeping later on weekends won’t fully make up for a lack of sleep during the week and will make it harder to wake up early on Monday morning.        
• Exercise is great, but not too late in the day.Try to exercise at least 30 minutes on most days but not later than 2—3 hours before your bedtime.
• Avoid caffeine and nicotine.Coffee, colas, certain teas, and chocolate contain the stimulant caffeine, and its effects can take as long as 8 hours to wear off fully. Therefore, a cup of coffee in the late afternoon can make it hard for you to fall asleep at night. Nicotine is also a stimulant, often causing smokers to sleep only very lightly. In addition, smokers often wake up too early in the morning because of nicotine withdrawal.
• Avoid alcoholic drinks before bed.Having a “nightcap” or alcoholic beverage before sleep may help you relax, but heavy use robs you of deep sleep and REM sleep, keeping you in the lighter stages of sleep. Heavy alcohol ingestion also may contribute to impairment in breathing at night. You also tend to wake up in the middle of the night when the effects of the alcohol have worn off.
• Avoid large meals and beverages late at night.A light snack is okay, but a large meal can cause indigestion that interferes with sleep. Drinking too many fluids at night can cause frequent awakenings to urinate.
• If possible, avoid medicines that delay or disrupt your sleep.Some commonly prescribed heart, blood pressure, or asthma medications, as well as some over-the-counter and herbal remedies for coughs, colds, or allergies, can disrupt sleep patterns. If you have trouble sleeping, talk to your healthcare provider or pharmacist to see whether any drugs you’re taking might be contributing to your insomnia and ask whether they can be taken at other times during the day or early in the evening.
• Don’t take naps after 3 p.m.Naps can help make up for lost sleep, but late afternoon naps can make it harder to fall asleep at night.
• Relax before bed.Don’t overschedule your day so that no time is left for unwinding. A relaxing activity, such as reading or listening to music, should be part of your bedtime ritual.
• Take a hot bath before bed.The drop in body temperature after getting out of the bath may help you feel sleepy, and the bath can help you relax and slow down so you’re more ready to sleep.
• Have a good sleeping environment.Get rid of anything in your bedroom that might distract you from sleep, such as noises, bright lights, an uncomfortable bed, or warm temperatures. You sleep better if the temperature in the room is kept on the cool side. A TV, cell phone, or computer in the bedroom can be a distraction and deprive you of needed sleep. Having a comfortable mattress and pillow can help promote a good night’s sleep. Individuals who have insomnia often watch the clock. Turn the clock’s face out of view so you don’t worry about the time while trying to fall asleep.
• Have the right sunlight exposure.Daylight is key to regulating daily sleep patterns. Try to get outside in natural sunlight for at least 30 minutes each day. If possible, wake up with the sun or use very bright lights in the morning. Sleep experts recommend that, if you have problems falling asleep, you should get an hour of exposure to morning sunlight and turn down the lights before bedtime.
• Don’t lie in bed awake.If you find yourself still awake after staying in bed for more than 20 minutes or if you are starting to feel anxious or worried, get up and do some relaxing activity until you feel sleepy. The anxiety of not being able to sleep can make it harder to fall asleep.
• See a health professional if you continue to have trouble sleeping.If you consistently find it difficult to fall or stay asleep and/or feel tired or not well rested during the day despite spending enough time in bed at night, you may have a sleep disorder. Your family healthcare provider or a sleep specialist should be able to help you, and it is important to rule out other health or emotional problems that may be disturbing your sleep.

 NIH MedlinePlusSummer 2012 Issue: Volume 7 Number 2 Page 20

How many Valentine’s cards are exchanged in the US each year?

• 10 million
• 100 million
• 1 billion

Who purchases more valentines—men or women?

• Men
• Women

Who gets more Valentines in order of popularity?

• Wives
• Children
• Mothers
• Teachers

What percentage of people purchase Valentine’s gifts to their pets?

• 20%
• 3%
• 50%

The “x” symbol is synonymous with a kiss.  The kiss originated with those who could not sign their names and then kissed it to show ?

• their sincerity
• their grief for not being able to write
• their love for their mothers

The first candy box given for Valentine’s Day was invented by?

• Fannie May
• Samuel Hershey
• Richard Cadbury

There is an old superstition that if see a goldfish on Valentine’s Day you will marry a?

• Oceanographer
• A fisherman
• A millionaire

“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”  Most of us remember learning this at some point in our childhood.  Whether taught in early grade school years or by our parents and caregivers, being nice is often one of the first values we learn.  What’s wrong with being nice?  Let’s first make a distinction between two terms – “nice” and “kind.”

Being “nice” comes from a desire to appear pleasing to others and is largely motivated by fear of being rejected, fear of conflict, or a belief that we are responsible for others’ feelings.  Being “kind” comes from strongly held values of love and compassion.  When we are kind to others, we recognize their rights, struggles, and their unique path in life.  So, in short, being nice comes from a place of insecurity.  Being kind comes from a place of securely held values.  The remedy for being too nice is NOT to become mean, aggressive, or hostile, but to learn your value, set healthy boundaries, and to be yourself.

How do I know if I’m Too Nice?

• Do you feel anxious or worried that you may cause someone to be upset either in a social or family situation?
• Do you feel like you must spend a lot of energy to appear “a certain way” or overly pleasant in social situations?
• When someone gets upset, do you blame yourself or wonder what you did wrong?
• Are you constantly expending energy on doing things for others to the point that your health suffers?
• Do you apologize frequently?
• Do you feel secretly resentful of others when you do too much for them?
• Do you often experience guilt if others are unhappy?
• Do you go along with what others want to do even if you’d rather do somethingdifferent?

If you said yes to some of the above questions, you may benefit from learning more about how this impacts your sense of well-being and happiness.

What happens when we are too nice?

• We start to feel like a “doormat” – existing for the benefit of others.
• We attract people who are willing to take advantage of us
• We keep needing more and more outside approval and reassurance.
• We give away our power.
• We stifle our authentic self and hide our true feelings.
• We fail to be honest with others.
• We don’t feel truly happy.

Why are we too nice?

• We lack a sense of self-worth, so we desperately seek it from others.
• We also shield ourselves from criticism or rejection, as these are very painful when we do not feel that we are worthy.
• It’s an ingrained part of our personality and identity.

Is this fixable?  YES!  It absolutely takes hard work but living authentically is incredibly rewarding.

How do we fix it?

• Working hard in therapy to strengthen self-worth.
• Healthy introspection and self-reflection.
• Seeking to understand and resolve family of origin/growing up issues that contributed to you feeling overly responsible or not good enough.
• Setting and enforcing healthy limits.
• Learning and practicing the art of saying NO.
• Learning to not take people’s feedback too personally.
• Learning that not everyone will like you. And that is ok.

All these things take practice, persistence, and courage.  You will learn that people can tolerate the discomfort or disappointment of your new boundaries.  When your self-worth becomes strong and healthy, some people in your life may miss the old agreeable and “too nice” version of you and they may push back, but if a person absolutely will not respect what you need to be happy and healthy, you may need to set very firm limits or decide not to have that person in your life anymore.

You can become free and powerful beyond your imagination when you learn to be your authentic self.