THERAPY

Who Says I’m Not Funny

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      “By the time a child reaches nursery school, he or she will laugh 300 times a day.  Adults laugh an average of 17 times a day.” (Discovery Health).

Do you laugh every day or have you discovered that as an adult you have neglected such activities because you are supposed to be producing, achieving, and focused on your goals?  Today Americans are finding that they are laughter deprived… are you one of the victims?

What are the benefits of laughter?

  • Reduces stress (laughter stimulates both sides of our brain and eases muscle tension)
  • Lowers our blood pressure
  • Elevates our mood (and gives our body a good workout)
  • Boosts our immune system (releases antibodies)
  • Improves our brain functioning
  • Helps us lose weight (laughter actually burns calories)
  • Helps us connect with others
  • Fosters relaxation

Why do we need humor & laughter?

  • Laughter replaces negative emotions with pleasurable feelings
  • Laughter changes our focus and our behavior. When we use humor in a conversation we tend to talk more, make more eye contact, and we touch more.
  • Laughter increases our energy level and makes us feel vital.
  • Laughter makes us feel good and heals our emotional pain.
  • Laughter helps us move from a place of negativity into a place of gratitude and a way to see the positive in our life.
  • Laughter and humor are some safe ways to introduce ourselves to others (connection)

How can you expand your sense of humor?

  • Look for everyday humor. Look for absurd, silly or funny things that happen around you and rejoice in their humor.
  • Watch children. Observe how they delight in the little things around them in everyday life.
  • Increase your exposure to humor. Watch comedies, read joke books, listen to funny stories of others, read the “joke a day” online.
  • Hang around with funny friends. Funny people are everywhere, you just have to look around and you will find humorous people surrounding you.
  • If you hear a joke you like write it down. Make sure you tell someone else the joke you learned and brighten their day.

 

Is Your Job Toxic?

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Work environments have really changed.  Job sites were once a place where employees felt secure economically and were assured of their job placement.  Today, many work environments are places of tension, anxiety and heightened fear.  In fact, a recent Neilson report noted that over 80% of Americans feel stressed by one or more issues at their job.

Spending the greatest portion of your life at your workplace, more and more employees are discovering that their offices are filled with impossible expectations, heightened demands, and toxic situations.  As the tension grows, the pressure tends to put a huge demand on workers physical and mental health.

Career Builders reports 4 key reasons why work environments have become stressful

  1. People are feeling anxiety, fear and pressure in the world and within their relationships and they tend to bring their own emotions to the workplace.
  2. Employees are being asked to do more with fewer resources, which puts everyone in a place of heightened anxiety, feeling overwhelmed and under appreciated.
  3. Employees feel like they must perform under the pressure or that they will be pink-slipped, laid off, or replaced by outsourcing employees. These things only add to the negativity on the job site.
  4. The economic conditions are on a downswing and employees are fearful to leave their jobs, take an earned vacation, or time-off despite their need for self-care.

Here are some tips for keeping your job from becoming toxic.

  • Don’t be part of the problem. Learn to stay away from gossip and complaining.  When you become part of the problem you increase your negativity level and elevate your anxiety and stress.
  • Try not to over react. When we feel stressed in the workplace, we tend to react to things around us.  Tempers fly, people become irritable and terse and that’s the time to slow down. Learn to evaluate the situation and be calm.  The key is to stay away from the drama.
  • Try to align with positive people. If you are in a toxic environment, the worse thing you can do is align with others who are toxic—this only fills you with the fuel of unhappiness.
  • Workplace negativity can make you sick. If you notice you are getting more backaches, headaches, or upset stomachs, it might be your body telling you that you are in need to get some distance from the job.  Set some limits on hours you work, boundaries with other workers, and maintain a life outside of your job.
  • Talk it over. Many work places offer Employee Assistance Programs or benefits to see counselors.  Most therapists are trained to help with stress management, boundary settings and helping you find a real balance in your life.  Typically, you can get some real helpful techniques in just one or two sessions.
  • The tough choice. If it is unbearable you need to change your viewpoint or move out of the environment.  This may seem like a horrible solution to the problem, but some workplace environments are too toxic and it’s not worth your mental or physical health.

HOLIDAYS OR HOLIDAZE?

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Your eye begins to twitch, you start to have sleepless nights, and you can’t seem to find all the countless notes you wrote to yourself filled with “to-dos.” It must be that time again—the Holidaze! Welcome to that time of year where our society and the commercial world slams us with messages to overspend, over-indulge, over-do, and over-eat. Welcome to the holiday season 2007!

During this time period, the common mantra spoken by humans appears to be questions such as… “Are you ready for the holidays?” Have you done your shopping? How much many more presents do you have to get? Have you started cooking for the holiday meals?”

Most people would agree, November and December are the most stressful months of the year.
• Did you know that during this time period the number of visits to physicians increase?
• Did you know that emergency rooms are filled to the brim during the holiday season?
• Anxiety seems to spread like wildfire, and tempers seem to flare at the drop of a hat.
• Our bank account goes lower and lower and our frustration level seems to rise beyond comprehension.

What happened to the concept that the holiday season was a time of joy and happiness?

Try something different this year by really “noticing” and being aware of what you are feeling during this holiday season. Ask yourself if you are doing things out of obligation or because you really love whatever you are doing. What would you rather do? What would make you happy this holiday season? What do you really see as realistic expectations of yourself?

Try this… take out a piece of paper and make three columns. On the first column write “love it,” on the second column write “neutral feelings,” and on the third column write “hate/resent it.” Now list all the things that you normally do during the holiday season and place it in one of those three categories. You know, list things like going to the company holiday party, making fruitcake for everyone you know, going to a neighborhood get-together, buying presents for your distant aunts and uncles, making up your holiday letter to send to everyone you know in North American replaying the past 11 months of important life changing events.

How many of the things you listed feel like “shoulds, ought to’s, or must do’s?” If you decided not to give in to these inner demands, what would you do with all your time? Record some of those ideas in the love column. Make a commitment to yourself to make this year different by doing more things on your “love it” list and less things on the “hate/resent it” list.

I once read something about Halloween, which appears to fit for most people. It went something like this…“Why is the scariest holiday the most joyful, and the most joyful holiday the scariest?” Perhaps because on Halloween we allow ourselves to do what we love, and during Chanukah and Christmas we force ourselves to do so many things that we really hate or resent due to expectations of others and demands that are internally motivated by societal pressure.

It would be a gift to yourself if you just looked at your “Love it” list and start scheduling those items on your calendar. The ultimate goal is to become more aware of what makes you happy and what is really important during the holiday season. Perhaps one way to do this is to give your “presence” to your loved ones, instead of worrying so much about the “presents.” Your loved ones don’t need more presents from you, as much as they need you to be more “present” with them. Make this year a “holiday” season instead of a “holidaze” season.

HUMAN BEING OR HUMAN DOING?

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HUMAN BEING OR HUMAN DOING?

You may have recently noticed the term “mindfulness” appearing in mainstream news, pop culture, and possibly even in your child’s homework assignments. Is mindfulness the next new thing, a passing fad, or a temporary cultural sensation? Hopefully not. The concept of mindfulness has been the cornerstone of many religious and meditative traditions for centuries. Let’s try to sort out what it’s all about, how it may be able to help you, and what it can’t do.

To be mindful is to be the opposite of mindless. MindLESSness is the epitome of not paying attention, of moving through life on autopilot. When we are mindless, we may be racing about, multitasking, and trying to solve too many things at once. Do you ever find yourself “everywhere but here?” Our minds will frequently take us to visit the past or to wonder about the future. The demands of modern life often have us on a tight schedule with many things to keep track of. We find ourselves racing about, multitasking, unaware of what’s happening around us, hearing without listening and incessantly checking our electronic devices, smartphones, tablets, and social media sites. Our modern-day culture grooms us to multitask, go and do, to accomplish, to be productive. We need to be able to accomplish goals and meet deadlines, but it’s easy to suddenly find ourselves in overdrive and overwhelm.
MindFULness is a way to approach life. It’s a lens through which you can view, approach, and experience the world which is distinctly different from our common default mode of autopilot.
To be mindful is to come to the senses and to purposely become fully aware of all that this present moment can offer.
Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction pioneer, Jon Kabat-Zinn, defines mindfulness as the following:

“The awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally, to the unfolding of experience moment by moment, in the service of self-understanding and wisdom.”

We can talk about it, discuss it, and think about it, but the only way to really benefit from it is to PRACTICE it.

You can return to the present moment any time you become aware that you are being mindless. Gently nudge your awareness back to your breathing and then to what your senses notice is happening around you right now.

What do you see?
Can you describe it without labeling or judging?
What are the sounds that you notice?
Describe every detail that you can.
Notice, just notice without the need to change the experience you are having. Just accept it for what it is and notice all that there is. You are right here right now at this moment. Notice all that this moment can offer. Notice your internal experience of thoughts, bodily sensations, and any emotions arising. There is no need to attach to any of these sensations or experiences. Simply notice them as they arise. You can pretend that you are on a train and your experiences are scenery that you’re passing by. Notice these experiences as they come and go.

Contrary to how it may seem, mindfulness practice is not necessarily conducive to relaxation. In fact, practicing mindfulness can help us to feel more awake, aware, alert, and present to the here and now and all that it can offer.

As you become adept at the practice of mindfulness, you will likely begin to notice how you are conditioned to label experiences as good, bad, pleasant, unpleasant, or otherwise. How often we narrate our sensory experiences and judge them! We are deeply conditioned to do this. It feels counterintuitive to simply sit and notice. We have difficulty valuing an activity if we are not producing a result of some kind. It’s difficult to know the benefits of a mindfulness practice if you’ve not tried it for yourself.

It is important to be compassionate with yourself as you begin a mindfulness practice or try it for the first time, as it is so different from our common approach to life.

What are the benefits of mindfulness practice? You can practice mindfulness at any time. Any time you become aware that you are not being mindful, simply embrace that awareness. Mindfulness can help to calm the stress response and to help us feel a bit more grounded and at ease, which can in turn help us to approach our lives in a more clear-headed and even-tempered manner. Mindfulness practice alone will not likely cure anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges, but they can help to provide a framework through which you can begin to address these issues in therapy. For more information about mindfulness, visit the website www.mindful.org.

MINDFUL EATING

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As the holiday season progresses, many of us will find ourselves in situations and at gatherings where food is abundant. Humans deal with such a spectrum of dilemmas around eating habits. If we are fortunate enough to live without food scarcity, often the opposite problem presents – an abundance of highly palatable foods! These foods are incredibly enjoyable to eat and are part of our social traditions.
The human brain and body have wonderful protective mechanisms in place to guard against survival threats, including starvation. Physical hunger (stomach growling,), appetite (a desire for and a drive to consume food), and metabolism downshifting are among some of these mechanisms. While useful in a famine, these survival mechanisms coupled with an abundance of highly palatable foods can make it difficult for us to resist overeating. Our biology causes us to be drawn to highly caloric and highly palatable foods. Most of us can relate to sitting down to a meal and suddenly we realize our plate is empty, but we can’t recall much about the food that we just ate. Learning to eat mindfully is way to consciously adapt to this food environment.
As an alternative to simply restricting foods that are less-nutritive, eating mindfully can help us to cultivate a healthier relationship with food, to be more in touch with our eating experiences, slow down to enjoy and savor food. Mindful eating is not a diet, nor does it involve restricting any types of foods. Mindful eating does not demonize any food types. It is not concerned with food being good or bad. It is a way to simply become more attuned to our eating patterns and experiences.
To practice mindful eating, first define the portion of what you plan to eat by putting the food on a plate or bowl instead of eating from a container. This allows us to work on gratitude and acceptance of what amount is enough.
Next, as you prepare to begin eating, spend a moment to reflect on having gratitude for this meal. Reflect on your intention to slow down and really appreciate and savor the qualities of the food. Take some slow deep breaths as you do this.
Before you pick up your fork, use your senses to notice as much as you can about the food on your plate. Notice the colors, textures, and shapes. Next, take a few moments to notice the aromas of the food. Find some words to describe what you see and smell without labeling anything as good or bad. By using our senses of sight and smell, we are much more in touch with the qualities of the food we are preparing to eat. Often, we are only focused on our sense of taste.
Now, as you begin to put a bit of food on your utensil, be conscious of making your first bite a small one. As you bring the food into your mouth for that first bite, notice the flavors and textures of the food. As you begin to chew, notice and describe as much as you can about it. Continue eating in this manner. Remember to put your utensil down from time to time to, once again, notice appearances and aromas. If you truly embrace these techniques over time, you will notice a change in your relationship with food. Research demonstrates that mindful eating can help us to change how we view food and what we expect from food. People often notice that they feel full or satisfied more quickly when they are eating mindfully

Remember these quick pointers to boost your chances of success.

o Define portions before you start eating
o Take moderately sized bites
o Chew each bite slowly and thoroughly
o Notice texture, flavor, and aroma – use your senses
o Put the utensil down between bites or if taking a drink
o Refrain from reading or watching television during meals
o Eat at the kitchen or dining room table

This takes persistence and training, but it is well worth the effort. Planning meals and snacks can assist you in changing your relationship with food as well. You can enjoy and savor the many blessings of food during this holiday season!

The Center for Mindful Eating offers a wealth of information on this topic. https://thecenterformindfuleating.org/